Election Day
I found this on a Yahoo message board yesterday.
Kinda funny, kinda sad, but true.
What Republicans believe
What You Need To Believe To Be A Republican:
Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney then did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find bin Laden" diversion.
Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing UN resolutions against Iraq.
A woman cannot be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.
A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.
Global warming and tobacco's links to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a un-winable war in which thousands of Americans die is solid defense policy.
Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.
The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.
Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.
Support of "Executive Privilege" only for every Republican ever born who will be born or who might be born (in perpetuity.)
What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what G.W. Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.
Support the hunters who shoot their friends and blame the victims for wearing orange vests similar to those worn by the quail.
If you don't send it to at least 10 other people, we're likely to be stuck with more Republicans in '06 and '08.
Friends don't let friends vote Republican.
“I mean, think about it. Other than the war in Iraq, the Katrina disaster, the deficit, the CIA leak, torture, stopping stem cell research, homeland security, global warming and undercutting science, we've yet to really feel the negative effects of the Bush administration." -- Bill Moyers
Here in Virginia, it looks like Macacawitz is going down. ,
Kinda funny, kinda sad, but true.
What Republicans believe
What You Need To Believe To Be A Republican:
Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney then did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find bin Laden" diversion.
Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing UN resolutions against Iraq.
A woman cannot be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.
A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.
Global warming and tobacco's links to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a un-winable war in which thousands of Americans die is solid defense policy.
Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.
The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.
Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.
Support of "Executive Privilege" only for every Republican ever born who will be born or who might be born (in perpetuity.)
What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what G.W. Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.
Support the hunters who shoot their friends and blame the victims for wearing orange vests similar to those worn by the quail.
If you don't send it to at least 10 other people, we're likely to be stuck with more Republicans in '06 and '08.
Friends don't let friends vote Republican.
“I mean, think about it. Other than the war in Iraq, the Katrina disaster, the deficit, the CIA leak, torture, stopping stem cell research, homeland security, global warming and undercutting science, we've yet to really feel the negative effects of the Bush administration." -- Bill Moyers
Here in Virginia, it looks like Macacawitz is going down. ,
posted by Redjalapeno at Tuesday, November 07, 2006
1 Opinions:
A woman cannot be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
!Yeah, that's about right!
Post a Comment
<< Home